Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
