OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
