i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
