Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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