I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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