Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
