why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
