he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
