Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
