I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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