I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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