i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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