i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
