I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
