she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
