Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
