Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We had to coat check the pizza.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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