just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
