Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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