Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
