Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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