any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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