ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
