I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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