I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
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