a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I want to have your abortion
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize