I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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