Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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