guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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