he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
