whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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