you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
