This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
