the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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