3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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