how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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