ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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