Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
