I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
