I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
