I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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