She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
