sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
