Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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