You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
