think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
