and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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