mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
