Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
