Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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