filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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