dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And then he peed in my hair
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