Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
