And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
