what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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