I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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