filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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