update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
