I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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