one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
