i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
