Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
