I'm going to rape someone's good day.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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