We're facebook friends in real life
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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